"do you think his body realizes he's 20?" -molly

"..i put the band-aid on the wrong finger.." -kyle

"we have drums...don't hate!" -LBC college motto

"It looks like what it is, but it isn't." -someone selling carpet

"Aww, look it's a penis warmer!" "wow, it's pretty close to the actual size! I mean out of the ___  I've seen, this is about average!" -molly & me

"you're never on my side!"...(peyton to joel)..."that's because you're the bad guy!" -ian

"he has on flippers!!!!!" -me and molly

"pork fat rules" -Emirral Lagassee

"you ARE nice hoes" -guy in Hot Topic

"um...HI, my name is Heather...you don't know me but I heard it's your birthday..." -me

"you're gonna have a salad from waffle house? do they put grease in that, too?" -John

elastic is your friend - K-Mart commercial

"if a turtle's on top of a post, someone put him there" -josh folsom

"when you're making out there's no blood in your brain"(frank during church) "it's all in your head" -me & dan"

"a conglomeration of stuff, stuffed in a thing. that's a hotdog." -ben nelson

"so, where are y'alls boyfriends?" -Andy....."umm"....."so, can I get y'alls numbers?"-Andy "hahahahahaha!!!" -me, molly, marrissa

"Nobody likes a know it all who sits around and talks about their genitalia" -Hank Hill

"see, as long as you don't play bad notes in-between the good notes, no one knows you're messing up..." -Paul while writing a song

"I'm not the rabbit. I HATE the rabbit!" -Brady

"wow. I wish I had a towel shirt so I could put it on right out of the shower. But I guess then my shirt would be wet, huh?" -Matt Neely

"so...do you guys ever eat at China Buffet?" (frank) "Dude, never say those words in here again." -dan...in King buffet.

"I'm a little worried about being a slut" -Bobby

"Stop playing these Chinese mind games!!!" -Ben

"Good news!.....I saw a dog today!!!" -Buddy

"ffff...iiish. fiiiish"..."slow down! I'm new at this!" -family guy

"I don't BEEL like it!" -logan

"it's not that hard . . .  no pun intended" -me and andrew

"hey, look, that star is brighter than the others!!!" . . . "uh, heather...that's the fire alarm" -me and molly

"my mom is whistling the andy griffith theme and playing with her belly button" -Zak

"Thursday is naked night....man, I can't wait!" -me and doug

"I am the mineral pimp" -Zak

"If the bowl doesn't sing, you're one messed up person" -Dr. Winborn

*on my voicemail*-"um, hi this is jeremey. I think I found your shoe on the side of the road...or it may be a flip flop, I don't remember...anyway, I was just wanting to return it...could you give me a call back? thanks. bye bye" -FRANK

My mom deserves her own section, she's crazy:

"what's a bling bling?" - mom

"I can't say 'boobies' in front of the new guy" - mom

"you can come over any time . . . I like you!" -mom

"so, you're going to a movie? Is he staying the night?"-mom

"oh, oh, he can drink Dr. Pepper through a straw!!!" - mom

"dad saw zak's pants on the floor and...WOAH!"